Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder

There is one day that is just depressing! Depressing!!!. The day after the BCS national title game. It means that college football season is over! For the past few years we have at least had basketball season to look forward to, but not this year. It was not unexpected with 5 starters gone, but there was a glimmer of hope in the first half of the season. Well, after last nights lack luster performance, what next? a whole 5 months of nothing but golf, baseball, car racing and hot, humid days! At least it will give me time to read all my gator sports pages! There are two rays of light in all of this: 1. we will get to beat, I mean demolish UM in the beginning of the season which will give us bragging rights for more than a year! 2. the national title game is in Miami, so we wont be traveling far to see the Gators bring home another cup to add to the collection. oh and 3. we will get to beat up on the wildcats (not that this is much fun, Lyndsey and JDUB) so we will have a fun time blogging....
I guess the lesson in the next few months is good things come to those who wait. GO GATORS!!!

This is scary

We are doing a course right now by Dr. Voddie Baucham on "The Everloving Truth". Through this course, Dr. Baucham teaches you about what the bible says in regards to defending biblical truth. Unfortunately, we live in a world where society is trying to redefine Christianity. We are called as Christians to not only believe the bible, but to make sure we defend the faith in world that is constantly trying to rewrite it. In Jude, we are warned of "certain persons have crept in unnoticed, those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation, ungodly persons who turn the grace or our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ". After reading this passage, I came across an email about a class Oprah is offering on a book called "The New Earth". You can read about it here. See anything that we are called to defend?

How innocent they are!

Two days ago when I was in tears, Pace asked why I was crying so much. I sat him on my lap and explained that I was very sad because the baby in my belly that God had given us had died. But that I was also very happy because God had taken that baby to heaven and one day mommy would get to see that baby again. He listened, asked a few questions, and then was on his way. Last night when we were at dinner with Trent's parents, Cakes asked how Scout was. (Scout has been at my parents in Miami where she is super spoiled). I replied " Oh, she is great, she is in heaven". Pace instantly broke into tears! I asked him whatever was the matter. He said "Oh mommy, Scout went to Heaven too? She is gone forever too?" My little man, so innocent in his thoughts could not understand how Scout could be in Heaven, when really I was just trying to explain that she was having a great time at grandmas! These are the reasons we smile!

A new chapter

The past 48 hours have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. We have gone from overwhelming grief to true peace and acceptance with every emotion in between. I have been thinking for the past few hours what to post...so here it goes. I was connected to this baby from day one, I imagined what it was going to look like, what it was going to be when it grew up, how it was going to fit in our family, names, personality ect. I loved this baby whole heartedly. For the past week leading up to this, I wanted so badly for my prayers for life to be answered. But I was so confident that if it was not answered I would feel God's big strong arms embrace me and I would not be sad because I knew he was in control. Oh, how wrong I was! My heart was shattered Tuesday night when we started to lose the baby. I felt angry and abandoned. I was in disbelief this was really happening. I went to bed praying for this to be a mistake, for me to wake up and walk into our OBs office, to climb up on the table and prove everyone wrong. When I woke up, I knew it was over. After meeting with our doctor and scheduling our DNC, we drove over to our church, Calvary Chapel Jupiter, to meet with our pastor. He spoke so much wisdom and peace into our hearts ,we will be forever greatful. We love this man, he shared with us how much God loves us and how as Paul wrote we will grieve but not like those without hope. He spoke to us about how the hope is one day we will meet this child in Heaven, our child never had to experience the sins of this fallen world but only the love of our Lord. He showed us that God has not punished us or taken this baby to teach us some quirky lesson. God did not answer our prayer the way we wanted it answered but he is holding us closely through it all. Dan, prayed over us and truly started our healing process. Amazingly, as we left, I started to see how God was there and how he had answered many prayers some I didn't even know I needed. Today was very sad, we lost a child, our child. That chapter is finished. We are ready to start the next one.But today is also a celebration, we have a child in Heaven and we have hope... hope that only comes through our Heavenly father, the giver of love and life.

A little help from my friends

So tomorrow is our ultrasound. And I am confused...I have been praying for a week. But I am in constant limbo as to what to pray for. I know it sounds silly, trivial, ect but what do I pray for? I feel like I want to ask God to provide life, to make this pregnancy viable, to show his glory, his power through all of this. But am I asking for what I want or his will? Should I be praying for wisdom to know that he has a plan for this life inside? Should I be praying for peace in allowing him to do his will? Should I pray that he give us strength to get throuh this? I know the answer is yes, but then I feel like I have given up... and not given God credit that he can still breathe life into my baby. Almost like dont want to ask because I dont trust that it can be done. I am so confused! Do I ask for what I want and have faith that he does it? That sounds selfish. Or do I ask for what I think is right? That seems fake and transparent at best. How do I pray right now? I guess I just pray...and have faith God knows what he is doing and that I just need to pray he will allow me grow from this. Is that right?

I am full up to here...

I remember when I was little and would say " I am so full, I am full up to here" I would point to my nose. Then I would announce, " I have just this much room for dessert". That is kind what seems to happan nightly at our house. There are a few rules; you taste everything on your plate, eat your veggies, and no complaining about mom's cooking. It always seems that my kids are so full, cant take another bite, they even try to act like they are gagging if they eat one more bite. But wait! Dessert is then announced and suddenly they have plenty of room in their tummies. They are only full, I suppose to their nose. Now, I know I should stand firm, deny them dessert until every last crumb is eaten since there are starving kids all over the world. But, when we are able to get photo like this and a smile that says it all... well dessert just seems like... the thing to fill them up!

One Amazing Man...

So we went camping with two couples that are great friends of ours. It was great. We celebrated Ron's birthday with a cake, camping style. The kids got filthy, trampled through the woods, ran around like maniacs and loved every minute of it! The mommy's took anyone under two home after dinner, a bear hunt and smores. So the dad's had night duty! I just think it is so cool that God has blessed me with such an amazing man. Trent is an incredible dad. He spends as much time as he can with our children. He just loves being with them. He works his tail off all day and then comes home and instantly turns into dad mode: playing outside on the bikes, being a monster for them, taking them to the park, he bathes them, reads to them, puts them to bed. On the weekends, his family comes first. I watch our children and they love daddy. They are learning how to do many things from him, but most of all they are secure in their father's love and are learning about God's love through Trent. I just love this man!God really blessed me with this one!