A new chapter

The past 48 hours have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. We have gone from overwhelming grief to true peace and acceptance with every emotion in between. I have been thinking for the past few hours what to post...so here it goes. I was connected to this baby from day one, I imagined what it was going to look like, what it was going to be when it grew up, how it was going to fit in our family, names, personality ect. I loved this baby whole heartedly. For the past week leading up to this, I wanted so badly for my prayers for life to be answered. But I was so confident that if it was not answered I would feel God's big strong arms embrace me and I would not be sad because I knew he was in control. Oh, how wrong I was! My heart was shattered Tuesday night when we started to lose the baby. I felt angry and abandoned. I was in disbelief this was really happening. I went to bed praying for this to be a mistake, for me to wake up and walk into our OBs office, to climb up on the table and prove everyone wrong. When I woke up, I knew it was over. After meeting with our doctor and scheduling our DNC, we drove over to our church, Calvary Chapel Jupiter, to meet with our pastor. He spoke so much wisdom and peace into our hearts ,we will be forever greatful. We love this man, he shared with us how much God loves us and how as Paul wrote we will grieve but not like those without hope. He spoke to us about how the hope is one day we will meet this child in Heaven, our child never had to experience the sins of this fallen world but only the love of our Lord. He showed us that God has not punished us or taken this baby to teach us some quirky lesson. God did not answer our prayer the way we wanted it answered but he is holding us closely through it all. Dan, prayed over us and truly started our healing process. Amazingly, as we left, I started to see how God was there and how he had answered many prayers some I didn't even know I needed. Today was very sad, we lost a child, our child. That chapter is finished. We are ready to start the next one.But today is also a celebration, we have a child in Heaven and we have hope... hope that only comes through our Heavenly father, the giver of love and life.